Whenever asked about the phrase “describe yourself” I always find myself dumbfounded with that question. Not that I don’t know myself well, rather I find it hard to narrate what kind of person I am. Writing about yourself shouldn’t be that hard. Since, at the first place, it only involves you and no one else. Basically you just have to choose the right words that best fit you. But for me, it is not enough to just blab something about yourself. It takes one to know one. I guess, you cannot just contain the whole you in a sheet of paper. But since this task involves only choosing one description that best fit my personality, it is synonymously marketing myself as a product showcasing its most special feature to the public.
For 19 years, 4 months, and 2 days the world has started to revolve around its axis with me. And in those years, a responsible being was developed. I have become a person capable of manipulating things in an organized manner. I am always used to plan ahead of time for in any contingency that may arise, at least I know what to do. Planning has been a part of me, but it doesn’t necessarily means that my plans should be set out always. However, even though I am viewed like this by many, there is something in me that people have overlooked behind those facts – of being responsible, organized, and she-knows-what-to-do labels. I do not like risk. Truth is I hate and fear it. It is said that everyday you face risk. Everything in life is about risk. And that I do not like. That is why I have to plan always, to counter the risk. Not that I hate mistakes, I just fear failures. Call it ironic since I am a business student and business handles or tackles a lot of risk. Well, that’s why I’m studying, to be more acquainted with it and eventually to easily deal with it at the right time. I know in time, I’ll be used to it, but for now, I still fear it.
I am not a risk-taker. Boldly, I said it again. Maybe, I just love being in my comfort zone. A zone wherein I am familiar with everything – family, friends, routines are all stable. Functionalism might have affected me greatly; to the extent I don’t want to take risk in my life anymore and resist change. For as long as my comfort zone is there for me, I am willing to stick with it. Sometimes, I wish that every moment of my life should always be like this. If there’s a way to resist it, then I could have done it a long time ago. But, I wish I had known better. Life’s changes is constant so as the earth constantly revolves. You might think that I haven’t come across with change ever. Matter of fact, I had experienced it a lot like everyone did. And that’s why from those experiences I had with change, the major ones are not really that pleasant. In my case, if it will not have a rough start then, it maybe traumatic. For me, a change is already a risk. You never know what happens when something changes. I read once that, “The more things change, The more nothing changes.” Well, it is a good quote to live with especially for people like me who advocates the stop-change-cause. I do not know if it is that bad not to embrace risk, but I do know that in time, I should be stepping out of that zone of mine or else I am not living a life anymore.
Life now may have been good at me. As long as I am dribbling the ball, I will play it safely. Every move I make should be calculated. It may not be well calculated since I am not a perfectionist. What’s important know is that I should not lose grip of the ball. And in time, I should not be afraid in making fouls since it is naturally part of the game. Life has still many things to offer me. If I can just learn how to step out, then the world may open doors leading one way to another.
Jeramae A. Llerena
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